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Sebastian Paragas

a poem by Sebastian Paragas

I pour my heart into this foundation,

cementing it into the world.

I lay my life down,

love by love and loss by loss.

Sooner or later, there’s a house.

A small house, compact and perfect for just me.

It has four walls and a roof.

Is it a house? A house it is!

As time passes, I realize that I had forgotten windows.

Nobody can see in, and I can’t see out.

But what’s the purpose of a window anyway?

Light is everywhere; lock the doors and go on with your life.

One day, I walked through this little house of mine.

I dragged my feet through my small residence,

marking the hardwood floors.

But my house is no place for a pair of dirty trainers or scuffed planks.

I swing open a cabinet door,

scrambling through the mess bolted to my walls.

I reach for something as the lights go out,

darkness infusing the vicinity.

I reach to open the door,

searching for the rusty handle with my fingers.

I push down, aiming to swing the plank open,

but the door stays in place,

refusing to budge.

I channel my focus into escaping,

seeking whatever is outside these four walls

and whatever is outside the very door that I locked

so I can go on with my life.

Suddenly, a slight cool rushes down my neck.

A minuscule hum enters the atmosphere,

but I make no note of it.

And I persist, trying to escape.

The slight cool becomes a pounding freeze.

The minuscule hum crescendos into a screaming wind.

And in a matter of seconds,

these four walls tumbles into a pile of despair.

If only I had windows.

If only I had more space.

If only I hadn’t locked the door.

If only …

I warily scan my surroundings.

Not a single sign of devastation.

Just a beautiful field and the sun kissing my skin.

Light was indeed everywhere; I just had to let it in.

So I began to work on putting back together what I started.

The same cement foundation stood strong,

but it now bolsters more than four walls.

I have many walls that can hold more than just me.

I have windows to let the light in.

Windows to let people see into my home.

Windows to let myself gaze at what’s outside.

Windows to let the world in and out.

My new house is a work in progress.

But now, it’s not just a house; it’s a home.

And as I let people in,

I will continue to rebuild my life and learn to love again.

- Sebastian Paragas

Cover photo source: Louise Scott

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