drafting a love letter to my grandmother part 2

hi grandma.

i hate that feeling when

you have a pit in your stomach

and the world is staring at you

extremely intently

because you just made a

small –– but significant –– mistake.

i’ve been feeling this way a lot lately.

you know this, but

i forgot to wish you a happy birthday.

it’s funny interesting since

i overheard my dad calling you to wish you

a happy birthday,

and i wondered to myself if i should join in

or pretend i didn’t hear.

i didn’t say anything at all.

is that what our relationship is like?

sometimes, i don’t know whether

the way i feel about you is made up of

the animosity from my mother or the forgiveness

from my father. i’ve heard so much about you

like a celebrity in the news, and there’s so many

things people have to say about you.

i genuinely don’t know what to believe.

i’ve been thinking a lot

about how much i don’t really know you, grandma.

you know so much about me:

my academic endeavors, achievements, music taste

but i can’t pinpoint much about

you. except for how much you love taiwanese dramas.

and i keep asking myself if

this is how it’s gonna end. without regret.

i miss you. but at the same time

i don’t know how much i mean it

or how much i really understand it.

perhaps it’s just me.

i hope you’re doing well.

sending love,

your granddaughter

Editors: Emily X., Joyce S., Nikki

Cover Photo Source: https://unsplash.com/photos/L4nwL3195U0