The Loudest Silence
Updated: Feb 19
The bathroom door enclosing me is broken,
Whimpering.
Memories of its collapse
Leave paint-chipped sores to growl;
Hissing hinges and lacklustre locks
Keep me inside.
The shower screens containing me are broken,
Smacking.
Magnetic closures squint,
Perverting the filmy plastic to warp;
Wincing wheels and simmering steam
Keep room dry.
The shower cleansing me is broken,
Gossiping.
Drops trace down my hair,
Curling around my calves to disperse;
Echoing secrets that wash away
Keep me hidden.
The drain is broken,
Choking.
Crumbling fragments crawl and lodge my pipes,
Gargling every water fall to swallow;
Soaking skin and drowning debris
Keep me quiet.
The rain hasn't spoken today.
They sing like a choir,
Conducted by a thrumming crowd
Of solitary heartbeats.
Rumbling permeates and billows
Within my walls;
Keep ringing — I’m disconnecting...
Rain used to speak to me.
They sang lullabies,
Lulling my worn mind
Out of its throbbing fog.
Gently knocking my walls they whispered
“I know you’re alone.”
Keep ringing — I’m disconnecting...
The light above me is broken,
The light inside is weeping.
The loudest silence
In a voiceless room.
February 2020 was the last time Hannah Govan saw her family before the increasing spread of Covid-19. ‘The Loudest Silence’ is a poem about the sounds and silence of self-isolation during a global health crisis. A structured stream of consciousness identifying broken noises, voicelessness, and the way physical and mental spaces resonate together.
In a physically, emotionally and mentally turbulent time of our lives, the contradictions of being on your own can speak louder than you realise.
When you're simultaneously deprived yet frightened of company.
When your numb silence is drowned out by daily activity in hollow spaces.
When the dull stillness of a home is the only thing that can hear every pained sound of trying to remain whole.
If you are in need of someone to talk to, here are some resources and helplines:
AUSTRALIA
Lifeline
13 11 14
Beyond Blue
1300 22 4636
Suicide callback service
1300 659 467
The MindSpot Clinic
1800 61 44 34
Kids Helpline
1800 55 1800
Headspace
INDIA
Fortis Exam Helpline
+918376804102
The Fortis National Helpline [for students or parents]
iCALL
022-25521111 / icall@tiss.edu
PARIVARTHAN Counselling, Training and Research Centre
+91 7676602602
Sumaitri
011-23389090
eelingsuicidal@sumaitri.net
AASRA
91-9820466726
aasrahelpline@yahoo.com
Sneha
044-24640050 (24 hours)
044-24640060 (8am-10pm)
help@snehaindia.org
Lifeline
+913340447437 / +91 908803030
contact@lifelinefoundation.in
COOJ Mental Health Foundation
0832-2252525
youmatterbycooj@gmail.com
Vandrevala Foundation
1860-266-2345
help@vandrevalafoundation.com
Roshni
+9140 - 6620 2000 / 6620 2001 / +914066202000
roshnihelp@gmail.com
Connecting...NGO
9922004305 / 9922001122
distressmailsconnecting@gmail.com
Samaritans Mumbai
+91 84229 84528 / +91 84229 84529 / +84229 84530
talk2samaritans@gmail.com
INDONESIA
Alliance of psychologists hotline service SEJIWA 119 text 8
IRELAND
Connect counselling
1800 477 477
Samaritans
116123
JAPAN
Tell Lifeline
03-5774-0992
MALAYSIA
Befrienders
AIA
NEW ZEALAND
17.37.org
1737 (call or text)
Lifeline
0800 543 354 (0800 LIFELINE)
free text 4357 (HELP)
Suicide Crisis Helpline
0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO)
Healthline
0800 611 116
Samaritans
0800 726 666
Depression Helpline
0800 111 757free text 4202
www.depression.org.nz
SPARX.org.nz
OUTLine NZ
0800 688 5463 (OUTLINE)
Youthline
0800 376 633
free text 234
talk@youthline.co.nz
Thelowdown.co.nz
free text 5626
0800 111 757
What's Up
0800 942 8787 (for 5–18 year olds)
Kidsline
0800 54 37 54 (0800 kidsline)
Skylight
0800 299 100
Are You OK
0800 456 450
Seniorline
0800 725 463
0508MUSICHELP
0508 MUSICHELP
Shine
0508 744 633
Women's Refuge Crisisline
0800 733 843 (0800 REFUGE)
Shakti Crisis Line
0800 742 584
Rape Crisis
0800 883 300
NIGERIA
Mentally Aware Nigeria Initiative (MANI)
0809111MANI(6264)
PHILIPPINES
#ThereisHelp at National Centre for Mental Health Crisis hotline
1553 (+63) 917-899-8727 / (02) 7-989-8727
SINGAPORE
https://www.healthhub.sg/a-z/support-groups-and-others/20/call-on-these-when-you-need-help
SOUTH AFRICA
South Africa Depression and Anxiety Group (SADAG)
Suicide Crisis Helpline 0800 567 567
24hr Substance Abuse Helpline 0800 12 13 14
Mental Health Helplines 0800 456 789 / 0800 21 22 23
UNITED KINGDOM
Mind
0300 123 3393 (Monday to Friday, 9am to 6pm)
Samaritans
116 123
USA
National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) hotline
1-800-950-NAMI (6264) or info@nami.org
Crisis Text Line
Text NAMI to 741-741
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
Call 800-273-TALK (8255)
Source:
Unitedgmh.org. 2021. Mental Health Support. [online] Available at: https://unitedgmh.org/mental-health-support [Accessed 15 March 2021].
Cnusd.k12.ca.us. n.d. Mental Health Resources. [online] Available at: https://www.cnusd.k12.ca.us/our_departments/instructional_support/student_services/mental_health_resources [Accessed 24 March 2021].
Cover Photo Source: ITIJ