Goodnight, Dragon Lady

you meet him online, and he gives off no red flags yet

you’re an asian girl scared of being fetishized by a white boy with yellow fever

he seems nice, friendly; you like the same movies, you have mutual friends

you trust him completely, naively

you smile as you accept his request, not thinking too much of it.

he compares you to his favorite characters,

mai from avatar? you think that you look nothing like her

nothing.

he looks like a character with brown hair and eyes, one who actually acts like him too

but you get into an argument, he’s mad that you compared him to a cartoon character

isn’t that what you did when you said i was like mai? you say sorry anyways

he does not.

he tells you that something about you just reminds him of her

is it the black roots of your hair peeking out under the dye? no, it must be the personality, no

it’s just because you’re asian isn’t it?

he says it’s not, it’s definitely something else, something he can’t name, and you believe him

you let yourself find comfort in being wanted.

you are so beautiful, he says

why do you dye and curl your black hair? you would be so much prettier with your natural look

start dressing more alternative,

no, not that style where you wear big pants and polos and turtlenecks.

why don’t you wear those schoolgirl skirts and show your skin a little more?

you refuse, and he is disappointed

you could’ve looked like yumeko, or like those asian girls in the pornography he watches

it’s a warning sign, but you ignore it. you’re used to being treated like this now.

it is strange see who he follows on social media

all of the models are asian

they look nothing like you—you have large hips and stretch marks