Updated: Feb 23
i hate that feeling when
you have a pit in your stomach
and the world is staring at you
because you just made a
small –– but significant –– mistake.
i’ve been feeling this way a lot lately.
you know this, but
i forgot to wish you a happy birthday.
it’s funny interesting since
i overheard my dad calling you to wish you
a happy birthday,
and i wondered to myself if i should join in
or pretend i didn’t hear.
i didn’t say anything at all.
is that what our relationship is like?
sometimes, i don’t know whether
the way i feel about you is made up of
the animosity from my mother or the forgiveness
from my father. i’ve heard so much about you
like a celebrity in the news, and there’s so many
things people have to say about you.
i genuinely don’t know what to believe.
i’ve been thinking a lot
about how much i don’t really know you, grandma.
you know so much about me:
my academic endeavors, achievements, music taste
but i can’t pinpoint much about
you. except for how much you love taiwanese dramas.
and i keep asking myself if
this is how it’s gonna end. without regret.
i miss you. but at the same time
i don’t know how much i mean it
or how much i really understand it.
perhaps it’s just me.
i hope you’re doing well.
Editors: Emily X., Joyce S., Nikki
Cover Photo Source: https://unsplash.com/photos/L4nwL3195U0