food
food is a legacy
the women in my family have
long carried on.
sitting on my
tiled kitchen floor
watching Nani knead
dough after dough,
scented marzipan vanilla
of the Portuguese history
her ancestors left.
my orange headband is
too big for my head;
my hands too small
to help.
the kitchen is
my mother's
sacred space. she
doesn't make kaju scented
marzipan but
she pours vinegar
in sorpotel like
she was born for the moment.
she watches fat drip down
succulent bacon as she
adds thicker slices
of pumpkin to
the sambhar she's
making my father
to show how much she loves him.
but growing up
my hands burn everything
they touch and so
when we road trip around
a white man's country
I am kicked out the trailer
everytime the kitchen is used.
because I have fire in
my fingers, my mother reasons,
and red hot flames
in brown man's skin
is called terrorism
in a country like
this.
once back home,
I sit silently in
the kitchen as
I watch my younger
sister work her
magic.
she adds Curry leaves
to leftovers,
some smoky dhaniya,
and voilà !
it's a whole new dish entirely.
the makhan she slathers
on parathas is
just right, and
the cheese she has stuffed within
oozes out when you take
a bite.
she fries chicken
is simmering oil,
and it's delicate, golden
crispiness almost makes
our guests weep.
she hangs onto me
when the kadhai is all
scraped up and
I long,
I yearn,
to be wanted for
the magic in my hands,
as she is for hers.
I gently pat her head
as she falls asleep.
that night,
the world is quiet as
I tip-toe into
the kitchen.
I light the stove
with the flames in my fingers
and try to
create my own magic.
I end up burning rice.
I am banned from the kitchen again.
This piece aims to focus on the importance of food in Indian culture, especially when it comes to women. It also tries to out the sense of loneliness one experiences when we're unable to take part in this form of cultural expression.
Biography: Sarah is a kind, hard-working individual. When she isn't busy obsessing over poetry, you can find her making funny videos with her sisters at @sarahmathaii.