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50 Ways to Be a Woman: Written by a Man

TW: sexual assault, eating disorders

  1. In the morning, don’t put on makeup. What kind of a guy is going to fall in love with a cake face?

  2. In the morning, put makeup on. Why would you even leave the house like that? Put some effort in, geez.

  3. You’re ugly with makeup.

  4. You’re ugly without makeup.

  5. Hey hey, don’t get plastic surgery! Why are you so insecure? I like my women all-natural.

  6. Ok, but did you see that picture of Kim Kardashian on Instagram? Why doesn’t my girl look like that?

  7. When deciding what to wear, show off what you got, don’t be a prude.

  8. When deciding what to wear, don’t dress like you’re asking for it. Women are such sl**s.

  9. Don’t play video games. We all know it’s for male attention.

  10. Have hobbies other than doing your hair and makeup. Women are so shallow.

  11. Don’t obsess over stupid stuff like Twilight or BTS or Taylor Swift, it’s really embarrassing.

  12. But obviously we still get to blow up people in our video games, get into fights over sports, start Andrew Tate fan pages …

  13. Don’t go to the gym or play sports. Over-muscular girls are so big and unattractive.

  14. Go to the gym. Play sports. We’re always making gains in the gym, why are you so lazy?

  15. Fat women are lazy. Why don’t you work out or eat less?

  16. Women should eat more. Why are you always starving yourself? I like a woman that eats.

  17. Don’t ask for that raise: so obnoxious and arrogant!

  18. Ask for that raise: why do you never advocate for yourselves? And you call yourselves feminists, ha.

  19. You don’t belong in classrooms and workplaces. Who’s going to take care of the kids? Cook?

  20. Cook me a sandwich.

  21. All you do is cook. Get a life. What happened to your feminism?

  22. You want a higher paying job? Take initiative and study! You can’t slack off just because you’re a girl.

  23. Speak up, we can’t hear you.

  24. Shut up.

  25. Communicate when something is wrong.

  26. But only if the problem isn’t us.

  27. Don’t complain about your period, it’s disgusting. We don’t want to hear it.

  28. But communicate when something is wrong.

  29. Don’t have kids if you want to be a boss, or CEO, or a politician, or hold any leadership position whatsoever. Mothers can’t be leaders.

  30. Have kids. That’s what women are for.

  31. If you get pregnant, it’s your fault.

  32. If you get assaulted, it’s your fault.

  33. If you get assaulted, you’re lying.

  34. No, we won’t let you get an abortion.

  35. Pregnant women are so high maintenance.

  36. Pregnant women are hot.

  37. Don’t act all smart and know-it-all. It’s so annoying when you know more than us.

  38. Stop being dumb and stupid all the time. Why are you so brainless?

  39. No, don’t be THAT smart. Now you just look like a nerd.

  40. Don’t date too many guys in a row.

  41. You don’t want to be like (god forbid) Taylor Swift.

  42. Date me though.

  43. Oh you don’t want to date me? You weren’t even that pretty anyways.

  44. Don’t date girls. Why would you be gay when you could date men like me?

  45. Lesbians are hot.

  46. Why are women always so angry and emotional? We really don’t get it.

  47. Feminists are drama queens.

  48. Do what you love, but don’t.

  49. Be yourself, unless it goes against what we say.

  50. Live your truth. (As long as it conforms to the patriarchy, of course).

Editors: Zoe L., Amshu V.

Photo Credits: Unsplash

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